Undefined Love
by Ecstatic SuperHero
Summary: Just a 1,967 word one shot. LancelotOC. Read if you like stories about love and Lancelot. Oh, but bring tissues.


_Hey everyone. This is just a little short story that was on my mind. I hope you like it. Be sure to review. _

_Oh, and yes, I know Lancelot doesn't die until the last battle in the movie, but I'm not basing my little one shot off the movie. He dies when I want him to die. ) _

_Read and review! Bye!_

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I ducked behind the counter as the door of the tavern gave way. Crisp winter air blew into the room, making me shiver. It was the time of day that I always looked forward to. My eyes scanned each knight as they swaggered into the bar.

My gaze locked as I found the person I was searching for. His dark chocolate tresses blew in the frosty air as he entered. His cheeks, beautifully set on his high cheek bones, were a rosy tint from the cold. I watched as he walked with his brothers-in-arms to sit at their usual table. His cavalier walk demanded attention, which I gave to him fully.

How I loved Lancelot.

My eyes followed him as he cast a haughty glance around the room. His gaze caught sight of his usual admirers and he flashed them a bewitching smirk. They giggled naively. I laughed to myself as he looked away from them, basking in their favorable attention.

I had grown used to the fact that his roguish ways attracted these sorts of reactions – it was only expected. He was blessed with a charm most men around him only dreamed of possessing. He knew how to choose his words and work situations to his benefit – he knew and that was his advantage.

Each night he quenched their wanton lust with what seemed like true faithfulness. It seemed only he and I knew the reality of the situations. I often found myself, though, envying each girl he satisfied. I didn't desire their fake features or snooty attitudes. No, what I yearned for most was the attention of the strapping young knight.

I had met him long ago – one lonely night in this tavern. We were young and he hadn't faced the horrors he's been through the last years. He had stridden up to me, his strides not as long and confident as they are now. I had watched just as captivated as always.

He requested a mug of ale and I gladly poured him one. I wondered what was on his mind. As I reached to hand him the mug, he reached out also.

Our hands touched.

His warm skin enveloped my hands. My breath had caught in my throat. Every possible emotion flitted in through my mind. His eyes darted up to mine and I found myself not able to look away. Dark brown waves swirled around a hole of black abyss. I shivered involuntarily.

I had come to realized that his eyes were different that night. They held neither arrogant nature nor drunken foolery – only the traits of a lonely boy who yearned for comfort met my gaze. His soul, full of sorrow and regret, seemed to swallow me. Quickly I pulled my hands away, willing myself to turn around.

I sighed as I watched him chuckle with his fellow knights – my memories quickly fading from my mind. That night had shown me, had given me confirmation that he had the capability to hold real emotions. What everyone saw him as was all just a lie. He was labeled by who he pretended to be, not who he really was. How I longed to tell him what I had discovered – how I longed for him to know that he wasn't alone in this world.

But, would he believe me if I told him I loved him? Would he consider my words truthful if I told him of my undying passion for him? I shook my head and scowled. These questions had plagued my thoughts ever since the day I had realized my deep feelings for the knight. I had come to the conclusion that he wouldn't. He would nod with that fake smile he wears everyday – not even sparing a passing thought about what I would reveal to him. I had observed night after night that he did not believe in such emotion as love.

How I longed to be the one to show him that it does exist. How I longed to reveal to him that there's more in this world than just the pain and suffering of war. My blinding worship of him would clearly show through to him and he would change his conclusions of the world, wouldn't he?

I laughed sourly at my own question. A woman, such as me, could never change the mind of a head strong, stubborn knight. I was only fooling myself into believing in hope when I asked such questions.

I watched him still. His smirk held a hint of humor, but his eyes hid an endless sorrow. Was I the only one that could see it? My eyes never left his form. I couldn't look away. If only he knew how I depended on him.

If it weren't for him, I would be lost. My world would be in turmoil if he hadn't come into my life. The day he had strode into the bar; I had been suffering from the loss of my father. My grief had consumed me. When I looked into his eyes, though, and saw the same loneliness that I held, I felt whole. It was as though he now shared the burden of my sorrows – a weight had been lightly lifted from my shoulders.

I fell in love with him at that moment. He was my rock – my pacemaker. I needed him more than he would ever know.

The night was drawing to an end. I observed as he paced towards the group of admiring maidens. His eyes searched their faces, as if trying to find which one he preferred at the moment. With a small smirk, he thrust his hand forward and grabbed a petite blonde girl.

She smiled naively and instantly threw herself into him. I looked away awkwardly. The sight of their embrace had wounded my heart. Though, my heart was always the target of pain when I caught sight of him with another woman. I wasn't sure how much more ache my heart could take.

I longed to make him see that there was so much more to life and love. My heart told me to cry out to him, but I remained silent – staring at anything that would distract my thoughts from him.

I glanced towards where he had been, hoping that he was gone. Luckily, he was. With a sigh, I cleaned up the tavern before heading home. Another lonely night made my insides swell and knot. Lying in bed alone was regular for me.

As I worked my shift at the pub the next day, I found I held a vigor that I hadn't known I had possessed. I grew anxious for Lancelot's arrival.

As usual, I hid behind the counter when the hour of his arrival came. I watched the wooden door apprehensively. The hour passed without a halt.

I gazed at the door still, concluding that he and his brothers were only running late tonight. It had happened before – there was no need to become worried. I worked hastily, hoping that my labor would take my mind of off his evident absence.

Another hour passed and still he did not arrive. I glanced around the tavern and noticed for the first time that his habitual admirers were no where to be found either. I scowled in confusion. Swiftly, I turned to a fellow tavern-worker and inquired as to where the knights might be.

My eyes widened as she informed me that they had been called away on a mission. No one knew when they would be returning.

I felt my throat go dry as my gaze stayed on her. I saw nothing. Images of Lancelot flashed through my mind and I instantly regretted not telling him about my feelings. I had the chance last night and I wasted it. Curse my nerves.

The biting of my lip started as I thought about this 'mission.' There was guaranteed to be a battle. Though, it wasn't certain who perish on a battlefield. My mind raced. Lancelot was strong and could defend himself. I desperately tried to convince myself that there was nothing to worry about, but to no use. I could feel my fears creep in on my soul.

His absence would make my existence miserable. I required his presence and I wondered how long I could last without him.

Days, weeks, months went by. Each passing moment I grew hollower. My light was slowly waning and I grew to not trust a hope. I questioned if the knights would ever return again.

I worked my shift at the tavern in my usual manner. My body was present, but my soul had flown far away. Sometimes I thought I could hear it knocking at the pub door, but I promptly tuned it out.

My eyes flickered to the door as it swung open on its hinges. My gaze stayed and I felt my heart lurch into my throat. Trembling consumed me as I watched each knight of the round table enter. I counted off each.

One, two, three, four, five, six…

I felt my heart start to fracture. Where was he? Surely, he would arrive. Wouldn't he? I bit my lip. The knights had taken their usual seats at the table. Each face held sadness beyond compare – each line marked with loss.

I clutched my chest suddenly, realization hitting me. A pain of indescribable magnitude stabbed at my chest. My heart had broken – shattered into more pieces than any person could count. I felt my fingernails dig into my collar bone as I desperately tried to squeeze away the pain.

It only heightened. I gasped and lurched over. My head was spinning and I found that I suddenly felt nauseous. Groaning, I made a dash for the door.

The cold, sharp air stung my cheeks as I flew outside. An ivory white blanket of snow covered the streets of Hadrian's Wall. I felt my eyes staple open as my legs mechanically walked down the streets. Cold licked at my uncovered ankles, but my skin had become too numb to feel anything.

I gasped as the pain in my chest came again. Screaming, I threw myself onto the ground. My once dry clothes, soaked up the wet snow. I lay huddled in the snow, my damp clothes making me shiver.

My mind concentrated on only one thought, though: _He_ was gone.

My strong, iron-willed knight had fallen. I felt tears sting my eyes. The cold bit my cheeks as they fell. How could it have happened?

Why now? I needed him most now and he wasn't here. He would never be here again. I felt myself shutter as my body racked with raw sobs. He was my support, my breath. How was I supposed to live without him? I couldn't adapt to a life without him in it.

I wished now that I had told him everything. I wished he had known my love for him. The thought of him leaving this world with the belief that no soul loved him crushed my shattered heart even more.

I didn't know how long I laid on that deserted street in the snow. Time seemed to pass in a blur, but I didn't move.

My body had gone numb and my mind was soon joining it.

I didn't want to wait until old age took me before I could see his face again. I couldn't last another moment without hearing his angelic voice. I thought of him surrounded by light; eternity. He didn't belong anywhere else, but heaven.

I felt myself smile faintly. The pain had all but gone away. Gently, I felt my heart beat dwindle – just as a clock's tick slackens as it comes to an end.

I would see him again. And he will finally know the depth of my love.


End file.
